Trump and Drum and Bass
Sir/Madam,
I find myself in the most perplexing of states, not unlike the time I tried to assemble an IKEA bunk bed with instructions written entirely in Latin. It appears that President Trump, mere hours into his presidency, has decided to set a new world record for signing Presidential Orders, possibly mistaking them for autographs. One wonders if the man believes he’s on a game show where the more documents he signs, the closer he gets to a golden buzzer. Will we soon see orders mandating the use of orange marmalade in all national sandwiches or declaring Tuesday as "National Comb-Over Appreciation Day"?
And yet, as I attempt to unravel this bewildering spectacle of bureaucratic gymnastics, I am equally befuddled by the other seismic development of the week: the resurgence of drum and bass. Yes, drum and bass! That gloriously chaotic genre of music which, much like Trump’s policies, makes a lot of noise, moves very fast, and leaves you wondering what just happened.
Could there be a connection here? Has the President, in a moment of enlightenment (or perhaps after too many espressos), decided to bring back the 90s rave scene as an official policy? Picture this: a world where the Oval Office hosts late-night DJ sets, Cabinet members discuss breakbeats over tax reform, and global summits end with JD Vance attempting to shuffle in time to a jungle remix of "God Save the Queen."
My neighbours, however, seem to misunderstand my concern. They accuse me of being "too political" when I rant about signing sprees, and "too niche" when I blast Roni Size at full volume. But how can one remain calm when both the nuclear codes and the bass drops are being handled with such reckless abandon?
In conclusion, I demand clarity: are we witnessing a grand conspiracy involving rave culture and executive power, or am I merely losing my mind in a haze of breakbeats and policy briefs?
Yours in confusion,
Euphemia Blatherwick