On Storm Darragh and Light Bulb Fittings
To the Editor
I write to you today with a sense of foreboding and bafflement, caught between the ominous approach of Storm Darragh and the equally bewildering storm that is the UK light bulb industry. While the former promises gale-force winds and rain, the latter brings confusion, despair, and the faint glow of a bulb that doesn’t quite fit its socket.
Storm Darragh, I am told, will batter our shores with wild abandon, uprooting trees, scattering bins, and reminding us all that umbrellas are a false promise. I’ve prepared as best I can — stocking up on tea, biscuits, and a flashlight — only to discover that I can’t find a single bulb in my house that actually works with it. Why, oh why, are there so many different types of light bulbs?
Bayonet, screw, halogen, LED, E27, GU10 — the list goes on like an inventory from a particularly sadistic DIY store. I spent longer in the light bulb aisle this week than I did planning for the storm itself, staring at a wall of options with the dawning realisation that none of them matched the bulb I’d brought along for comparison. Does the light bulb industry not realise that we, the humble consumers, are already battling the storms of modern life without needing to decipher their cryptic codes?
And yet, perhaps there’s a connection here. Much like Storm Darragh, the light bulb industry thrives on chaos, leaving us to navigate a bewildering landscape of incompatible fittings and wattage warnings. Is this a metaphor for the human condition? Are we, like mismatched bulbs, forever searching for the right fit in an increasingly complicated world? Or have I simply spent too much time squinting at tiny packaging labels?
As the storm looms and my unlit flashlight mocks me from the counter, I can only hope that when Darragh finally passes, it will take some of the confusion with it — if not from the skies, then at least from the light bulb aisle.
Yours in dim-lit confusion and stormy anticipation,
A Perplexed Purchaser of Light and Loather of Luminous Labyrinths