On Farm Tax and Crop Circles
To the Editor,
I write with both admiration and confusion regarding the recent protests by farmers over inheritance tax laws, which, as I understand it, now seem to apply not only to their earthly possessions but possibly to celestial phenomena as well. Specifically, I refer to the curious uptick in crop circles, which have turned fields of wheat into what I can only describe as tax-deductible mysteries.
The farmers, of course, are right to protest. Who wouldn’t be concerned when the government appears to be asking them to pay for passing their land to their children and for the geometric whims of the unknown? I mean, what if these crop circles are not the work of mischievous artists but rather extraterrestrials conducting their own intergalactic agricultural audits? Does HMRC have jurisdiction over aliens?
One farmer I spoke to insists that the crop circles are a coded message opposing the new tax laws, while another claims they are simply a distraction from the real issue: a cow that refuses to mu unless the moon is full. Both seem plausible. Meanwhile, I wonder if the crop circles could be considered capital improvements — surely a beautifully sculpted field is worth more than a plain one? Or less, depending on the buyer.
The government, for its part, denies any connection between the tax changes and the sudden appearance of these elaborate designs. But what else could explain it? It’s either an elaborate protest, a supernatural tax rebellion, or a rare outbreak of arable anxiety.
I stand with the farmers, the crop circles, and possibly the aliens, though I’m not entirely sure what any of us are standing for — or against. I propose a compromise: the government abolishes the tax, the crop circles stop appearing, and the cows go back to muing at reasonable hours. If that fails, perhaps the tax code should simply include a new category: “Field Art and Otherworldly Depreciation.”
Yours in baffled solidarity,
A Confused Crop Enthusiast