Netanyahu, Guardiola and Discord
To the Editor
I write to you in a state of absolute clarity muddled by profound confusion, compelled by the swirling currents of world affairs that have somehow conspired to deliver us the following trifecta of bewilderment: the ICC’s arrest warrant for Benjamin Netanyahu, Pep Guardiola’s two-year contract extension at Manchester City, and, most curiously, preparations for the illustrious Discordian Day.
First, the ICC. Allegations of war crimes in Gaza are no trivial matter, though I can’t help but wonder whether issuing an arrest warrant for a sitting world leader is a brave stand for justice or an elaborate game of international hide-and-seek.
Will Netanyahu be found in a secret bunker or casually buying oranges at the market? Or will he simply declare, with a wink, that all charges are void?
Meanwhile, Pep Guardiola, a man whose tactical brilliance borders on sorcery, has signed on for another two years at Manchester City. This, of course, raises urgent questions: Will the team adopt a 0-0-11 formation? And most importantly, does Guardiola’s extension hint at a secret plot to unite all football teams into one global superclub, where every match ends 5-5 for fairness?
But I digress, for Discordian Day looms large, and with it, the grand preparations for utter nonsense. Should we celebrate with solemn absurdity or chaotic reverence? Do we wear mismatched socks or no socks at all?
Some say the day should include synchronised pineapple juggling, while others advocate for interpretive dance inspired by the five stages of toast. And yet, amidst the plans, one universal truth remains: there is no wrong way to honour Discordian Day, unless you’re doing it incorrectly, in which case, you’re doing it exactly right.
In closing, I must ask: what ties these disparate threads together? Is Netanyahu secretly a Manchester City fan? Does Guardiola read Discordian philosophy in his downtime? Or is this letter itself the answer, proving that all things are connected, yet fundamentally unrelated?
Yours in deliberate disarray,
A Devotee of Divine Discord