Missiles and Misteltoe
To the Editor,
I write to you as the first winter snow graces our village — a scene of tranquil beauty, chaotic inconvenience, and, oddly enough, international intrigue. For as our quaint streets shimmer under their frosty blanket, word comes that President Biden has agreed to use US missiles over Russia, a decision that has caused me to ponder whether our own Christmas decorations are perhaps too bold this year.
Let us first address the snow, which has turned the roads into a skating rink and my driveway into an abstract art piece titled Why Did I Leave the Grit in the Shed?. It is both a nuisance and a delight, much like the village's new light-up reindeer, which some say are “a festive triumph” and others claim resemble “a mutant goat uprising.” I, for one, think both opinions are valid.
But what of the missiles? It’s unclear to me whether their deployment has anything to do with the snow or the reindeer, though I can’t rule it out. After all, snow falls indiscriminately, much like geopolitical decisions, and who’s to say the twinkling lights in our village square aren’t being misinterpreted by satellites as a strategic signal? It’s a slippery slope — from festive cheer to intercontinental confusion.
Meanwhile, the Christmas committee is embroiled in its own cold war, with half the village demanding more tinsel while the other half insists we cut back for the sake of modesty and energy bills. Is this not, in its own way, a microcosm of global politics? Biden has missiles, we have fairy lights — both are attempts to assert control over a world that steadfastly refuses to be controlled.
In conclusion, I can only hope for peace — between nations, between neighbours, and between those who insist on inflating a 12-foot snowman and those who believe it’s an affront to taste. Let the snow fall, let the missiles remain hypothetical, and let the mutant reindeer glow proudly in the square.
Yours in festive bewilderment,
A Frostbitten Philosopher