Interest Rates and AirPods
To the Editor,
I write to you, not in haste but with the measured solemnity demanded by this most perplexing age in which we find ourselves. News reaches me — though I admit I cannot recall from where exactly — that the Bank of England has chosen to hold interest rates steady at 4.5%, as if it were a resolute diner refusing the dessert menu for fear of indigestion. Yet, in the same breath of existential gravity, I must report an equally pressing matter: my left AirPod now demonstrates a battery life so pitifully short that it could be mistaken for a fruit fly in an existential crisis.
How these two developments are connected, I confess, eludes me entirely, but surely they must be. Is it not the case that all things in this cosmos are interwoven, like an inexplicably damp spiderweb found in an otherwise dry shed? Could it be that the Bank's decision to stabilise interest rates is, in some obscure yet undeniably cosmic fashion, draining the life force from my left earbud?
Some might say my concerns are misplaced, that the longevity of a wireless headphone is a trivial matter compared to the looming spectre of a recession. But to those doubters, I ask: how are we to face an economic downturn if we cannot even achieve symmetry in our auditory technology? Shall we, as a society, limp forward with one ear blissfully buoyant and the other plunged into the silent void, much like a one-legged man attempting to pogo-stick his way out of quicksand?
I urge your readers to consider the implications here. If the Bank of England can hold interest rates at 4.5%, then surely it can intervene in this matter of grave imbalance in consumer electronics. After all, a nation with uneven AirPods cannot possibly maintain even footing in the face of economic turbulence.
Yours, in bewilderment and mild inconvenience,
Eustace P. Flummery
(Left Ear Enthusiast and Concerned Citizen)